Passin’ Me By: A Lesson in Confidence & Dating.

The Pharcyde’s Passin’ Me By from the album Bizarre Ride II the Pharcyde is one of those songs that most men can definitely recognize and vibe with because we’ve all taken that “L.” You know the “L” I’m talking about, that one where you may have stepped up to a woman and got the mean swerve, that one where you didn’t even have the gas to give it a real shot and you rejected the shot before it even left your fingertips, or that one where you confidently stepped up and that shot just couldn’t and didn’t sink. We as men have all been there, hell it’s a rite of passage in my opinion. If you haven’t experienced any such losses (yeah L’s are losses in this instance just in case you didn’t know. I won’t tell.) I have serious doubts about your game; you’re looking unfamiliar right now.

I too have taken shots, and Lord knows all of them have not gone in. I’ve made some down right ugly shots, I’ll admit it if you won’t. Even to this day despite the semi-woke charisma I wield I shoot and it doesn’t always go in. Such is life. Speaking of missed shots let’s talk about a massive L I took and the lesson I learned from it. Hooray, story time.

INT: Dimly Lit Concert Hall, Night

It’s Lit. Two boozy whiskeys and a tequila sangria in and I’m buzzing. My co-workers convinced me to go to a free weekday concert and it was a great idea. The liquor and the vibe had found me and invited me to chill and I wasn’t saying no. So as we head to the back of the venue a woman of cosmic brilliance graces the stage. Her voice was like Amel Larrieux, and her vibe was Groove Theory’s Tell Me on repeat after three shots of the vice of your choice and a slow dance on a moonlit rooftop. Yes, she was beauty personified… She was bad and without rivals. I was mesmerized, not just because she was attractive but because there was just something there. What can I say, I love women that can sing. Anyway, after her set she stepped off stage and walked around the crowd. Of course I wanted to immediately shoot every shot in my arsenal when she came in my direction. So when my co-worker started talking about how great her music was I was ready. I smile, open my mouth and I promise you absolutely nothing comes out. And I do mean nothing. She’s smiling back expecting words and I was dead in the water. Needless to say she says her goodbyes to my coworker and smiles again at me before walking off into the dark room.

Now this was totally a L I could return from, or so I told myself. So I stepped outside and collected myself. I gave myself the hype speech of the century and completely invoked the spirit of Liquid courage to assist. Mid speech she comes outside and starts a loose conversation with some other concert goers. Fully hyped I await that conversational lapse and I approach her, “Hey, I really vibe with your music. What’s your name?” Hella basic I know, but it was a game time decision. It worked and she smiles:
Quick side note, if her smile alone makes you think “fuck it, if I pull her I’m out the game” she’s next level bad.
Despite the game winning pep talk I’d given myself I still was flopping. I end up getting her stage name and IG completely blowing the open lay up. At this point my soul leaped out my body and handed me a glowing “L” as it walked me back inside. It was a pain to experience an a even bigger pain to mentally reenact for y’all. It gets more painful because I spent the rest of the night in the cut staring in full creep mode at her (rookie mistake) trying to find some way to make one final shot before the buzzer. When the concert is over and the venue empties I tried to make one last Hail Mary play. It’s just me and her we lock eyes. As I approach again she takes a mean Boobie Miles, Willie Beamen cut hard to the right and goes straight to this old man who’s definitely apart of the stage crew not even acknowledging the hello leaving my mouth hanging wide open. And it was at that point I realized there was no coming back. I leave defeated and legit regretting my lameness.


This L taught me a lot about myself, as most L’s in life do. Particularly it made me realize the level of confidence I have when it comes to the women I’m comfortable approaching. That thought alone sat me down and made me think. I can say without any hesitation that if she had been a solid 7, or hell even a 7.5 I would have been in rare form but the fact that I perceived her so much higher than me and my skills without any knowledge of who she was, what she was like, or even a tiny bit of understanding about her personality really hit me.

In the mental conversations that followed I came face to face with my own insecurities. Somewhere in my development I gave myself a level that I was comfortable with completely capping my achievement not just with beautiful women, but in life. I don’t remember the conversation or the internal dialogue but it happened and it still influences me.

Now you all may not have anchors in the same places, but I think we all have limited our potential somewhere in our lives. Think about it, what are you comfortable with? A cushy corporate job/career instead of the hard fought one creative you’ve been secretly dreaming about, your weight, your partner, etc. What have you subconsciously accepted to be your limit?

Our experiences and society will often dictate set limits on you that you can either accept silently or loudly rebel against. Don’t keep yourself grounded on Earth when there’s so much space above you. Choose your own limits and base them solely on where and when you want to stop not on some subconscious insecurity a version of you years ago decided was safe.
Remember, it’s not until humans stopped hugging the shoreline that we discovered new lands. Follow your own stars and chart your own courses.



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