I’ve always found it so interesting how people become blinded by sex. The “dickmatization” of women and the “lost in the sauceness” of men are constants in modern relationships and always end up back in a place where the “victim” of said traumas find themselves becoming jaded by their sexuality and feel as if the sex was responsible for whatever relationship issues that followed. Like sex was directly responsible for blinding them from other glaringly wrong things with the relationship.
I for one never understood it. I’m sure there’s some deep sage out there who will say something about how sex opens your soul to other people’s baggage (or spirits, I’ve heard that too) and the need to protect your essence. I don’t think that’s false, and as a Christian I totally believe that, however my stance on the issue is much different. I think it all comes down to Sexual Responsibility (and while I’m not talking about contraceptives you should already be using those. Gosh be an adult already).
Before you roll your eyes, here’s what I mean it’s taking sex seriously and articulating your needs and expectations to your partner. All the issues we see normally stemming from sex come from people who blindly leaped into the ocean never really understanding the current or even how to navigate it before they went for a swim. Sex is a great thing, I mean I’m a big fan, and when handled responsibly it builds an incredible bond between people. Issues arrive when we let the wrong person in, stop seeking to get to know the person beyond a sexual level, or blindly let the positive emotions sex provides to steer us to a phony realization of emotion. We’ve all (if we’re being honest here) have had regrettable sex with a person who ultimately was a waste of time. We just made a poor choice, and we hopefully learn from it and move on. What blows me is when people use sex as the scapegoat instead being truthful with themselves and realizing they made a shitty choice.
I’m really tired of hearing women say they’re giving up sex because it complicated things. All that translates to is someone felt something that wasn’t there, or someone let sex build a false closeness between them. I totally get that these things happen from time to time, but what bothers me is the thought process that stopping sex will keep it from happening again. Not dealing with the issues don’t magically erase them. It’s something that you have to confront and deal with it. Sex is just like every other issue in life. You need to accept the issue before dealing with it. If you’re dating a man who isn’t worth much, sex won’t make it better. It’s a terrible reason to keep involving yourself with that man. The sex while probably great doesn’t give you some magical glasses that give you sight beyond sight into the man’s heart. As soon as the that great sex is over as fuck boy is still just that, a fuck boy.
Don’t use sex as the reason behind failed relationships. Be an adult and just accept you made some bad decisions. As men sex is different. Sure it’s intimate, but there’s work involved. After said work is done we do feel lighter. but we’re going to feel the exact same about you as a person. Sure you may have shown me some great talents but my heart will be in the exact same place it was prior to sex. Sex is a form of intimacy, but it doesn’t really teach you about a person’s personality, their dislikes or likes, hell even what foods they enjoy. It only teaches you to have better sex.
Men aren’t often as quick to say sex complicates things, but we definitely let it. We let sex drive us to do some immensely stupid things with women who weren’t worth any of the effort we put into it. Sex for a man in his prime is the quickest morale boost. A great night of sex will undoubtedly lift your spirits, but that’s not the way to do it. Just like women we let sex take the blame for so many of our relationship issues when in actuality it was just a sexual relationship anyway with a woman we allowed to believe it could be more. A Lie of omission is still a lie. One thing I will add in just as a caveat to the ladies who are reading this is that you make it easy. Great sex over time leads to emotions. As my friends and I say, “Life changes at the bottom of the box.” Emotions will appear and undoubtedly unless you check them will manifest themselves. Men aren’t responsible for that, but we do take advantage of it. Not all women are pray to this, but it happens way more than it should. Ladies think through your emotions, and keep them in line or better yet don’t involve yourself with a man who isn’t interested in what you want. Okay, back to the men. Brothers we make rookie mistakes too often because we want the easy lay up. Either we date women we’re really not interested in due to the sex, or we stay in a relationship with a person we don’t care about till we find better sexual options. I’d to say that this is only from the fuck boy portion of us but it’s not. It can happen to a post-fuck boy too. Sometimes we just gotta take the quick L, and plan to win a better more decisive victory. Lose the battle, Win the war.
Across the board, men and women can definitely start dealing with the issues we blame on sex. We’re adults in everything else so why not add another thing to our adulting list?
“But that’s just my interpretation, of the situation…” – Benjamin Andre