Enter The Fuckboy.

if-you-re-reading-this-don-t-be-a-fuckboyThere comes a time in life where you stop and realize you’re a fuckboy.

Yes, you’re the evolution of the bygone scrub and in all sincerity the much better of the two. What really what is a fuckboy? 

Well in the way many women I’ve met refer to it is just a man who has a lot of maturing to do.

You’ve seen him before, many of us know him, it’s the guy who’s a chronic serial dater. The one who hasn’t found anything serious and is content to be a slayer in the meantime jumping from relationship to meaningless relationship until ________________ (insert really long time frame here). 

As a man if you’re honest with yourself you’ve fit that description at least once in your life.

Hell I’ll admit it if you won’t. Not going to lie it was definitely fun while it lasted, but now that I’ve rather publicly outed myself let me be honest. I had a real hoe phase, and it was filled with some really fuckboy-esque situations. Now I’m not proud of those times, but the lessons I learned then have ultimately made me a better man (that’s a topic for another time). Each of those lessons allowed me to grow bit by bit out of the pit of Fuckboyness, and now here I am one hand out of the hole still pulling myself up. 

Though I’d like to say that I’m a fully reformed member of socially acceptable dating society I’m not quite there yet. That fuckboy mindset is a tough thing to shake. Growing up and being a good man again isn’t easy it’s low-key going against a tried and true predatory accuracy the practiced alpha male was wired for. The animalistic part of a man’s brain constantly reminds him of how many women are around him at all times. It’s like Spiderman’s “spidey-sense” you know where he could just feel when something was going to happen. Men developed the same sensory awesomeness thousands of years ago when it was necessary. Nowadays that sense is just a part of the everyday experience as a man. We kind use it, but most times it’s just stuck on auto pilot. 

All men have this ability, but the fuckboy uses it to it’s sinister potential while the gentleman uses it much less. After some time navigating the differences I can’t honestly say there’s so much that matters to me now on the other side of being a fuckboy. I’ve gotten to a place now where I want more than just a woman with a great body and an “ehhh” personality just for right now. I’ve lived with that mentality for some years during which time I met, and lost out on some of the greatest women I’ve known. No lie to this day I still pray for those women because I dragged many of them along and sold dreams like a New York Times Best Seller. I can’t presume to say if I ruined how they feel about love or relationships, but I sincerely hope not. I just wasn’t ready to take anything seriously, and nothing they could have done would have made that happen. You see a fuckboy doesn’t care, and won’t until he’s really ready to turn that corner and mature. My maturation took some time and loads of experimentation. I dated so many different women looking for the missing pieces I didn’t have till someone made me realize I’d started settling (Dun Dun Dunnnnnnn). That challenge filled statement alone is enough to make any man or woman reevaluate things. No one ever wants to settle. 

So of course intrinsically I said “fuck that” and after about a day’s worth of self reflection came up with this brick and mortar perspective: I want an upper echelon bad, top tier woman with the spirit, wisdom, and personality to keep me satisfied for the rest of my life. I say that knowing full well how it sounds, but allow me the pleasure of breaking that down. All that I said was relative and by nature individualized to my interpretation of what that all means to me. There’s a level of realism inserted in that statement. Notice I didn’t say that I’m eagerly searching for a supermodel, a goddess amongst pitiful mortals, or the walking interpretation of all that is considered beautiful within the confines of this planet. But what I mean is that I’m looking for a woman who embodies those five traits to me. No set impossible to find parameters just an open invitation to the woman who represents them to me., Sluggishly I’ve begun the journey from a fuckboy to a gentleman, and hey good news Ladies I’m not alone.

The ranks of us newly reformed men are constantly changing. Right now that doesn’t sound too appealing yet, but there’s an old proverb that may fix things. It says that, “only the fool can become wise.” Only a fool can find the experience and change for the better. Sure you can find a wise man who was never a fool, good luck with that though, but even if you did wouldn’t you rather have a fool who endeavored to keep bettering himself till became wise?

Your answer is relative to your place in life I guess. It could mean any number of unimportant things that I could discuss and try to make profound, but that’s not my intention. 

My purpose of this article is to hold myself and other former fuckboys accountable. All this sounds really great, and right now I mean every single word of it but when the full moon rises and the night is still my inner fuckboy rears his evil head. This article isn’t the silver bullet by any means. Nothing can save you from the dreaded fuck boy muahahaha. No realistically this article may just keep us focused and there’s nothing wrong with that. Hey who know’s maybe I managed to inspire someone else. No? Yeah didn’t think so. 

Until Next Time,

T.L. 

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Dating Wisdom

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